Monday, January 22, 2007

Tales From The Unemployed Part 43

If the wife's gonna support you, the least you can do is try to look presentable. This is something me and the other job-challenged frequently discuss in our bi-monthly How To Hang On To The Sugar Mama meetings. (At first I missed meetings because I thought bi-monthly was every two months. Damn those public schools.) And in order to be presentable certain rules apply: You grow a beard so she stops complaining about how you haven't shaved. You bathe twice a week (TV don't work up much of a sweat). And if you've forgotten to brush your teeth you make sure not to exhale during the have-a-nice-day-at-work kiss. Though why she expects your teeth to be brushed when you're still in bed is beyond me.

Now, I was in terrific shape when we moved to Hollywood. But it's all kind of withered away; four years of stress and rejection taps tends to sap your will to live, much less any desire to wail on the pecs. But I thought I should start thinking about exercising again after Sugar Mama started referring to my love handles as death grips.* So, I went back to jogging today. Managed a mile in just under an hour. That may not sound impressive but I had to stop twice and vomit. I didn't do any of that girly-stretching first either. I'll try again in June.

*Not an original joke. Source unknown, but he looked like Gary Busey.


Blogger Gina said...

Tell your group to stop messing with your head -- bi-monthly IS every two months. :-)

4:13 PM  
Blogger Mob said...

The beard is an interesting tactic.

And I think Gina's right.

10:49 PM  

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