An Alarmist

Woody Allen once described himself as an alarmist instead of a hypochondriac, explaining that an alarmist doesn't always think he's sick, but when he is it's fatal. That's me. And the internet doesn't help. If you go to those Web MD-type sites no matter what symptom you type in it comes up cancer:

Tummy ache: Stomach Cancer.

Ear ache: Brain Cancer.

Stubbed toe: Caused by dizziness due to malignant tumors in the lungs.

Well, that's not 100% true. Once I typed in my symptoms and it didn't say cancer. But I never did find the jellyfish that stung me.